If you’ve ever started sleep training and found your child’s crying suddenly got worse, not better – you’re not alone. That spike in screaming, resistance, or bedtime chaos is something we call an extinction burst.
It sounds intense (and honestly, it can feel intense), but it’s a well-known behavioural phenomenon – and one that makes total sense when you understand what’s going on.
In this blog, I’ll explain exactly what an extinction burst is, why it happens, and how it applies to all types of sleep training methods, not just Cry-It-Out. We’ll also cover primary vs secondary bursts, how your child’s temperament plays a role, and why choosing an approach that suits your parenting style is absolutely key.
And if you’re feeling stuck? Don’t panic. This doesn’t mean you’re failing – and you’re not alone.
Table of Contents
What Is an Extinction Burst?
In Applied Behaviour Analysis (ABA), extinction refers to what happens when a previously reinforced behaviour suddenly stops receiving that reinforcement.
For example: If your baby cries at bedtime and you always respond by rocking them to sleep, their crying has been reinforced. It works for them. But if you suddenly stop responding in the same way – perhaps as part of sleep training – your baby will understandably increase that behaviour in an attempt to get the old response back.
That temporary increase in crying, protesting, or even screaming is what we call an extinction burst.
It’s not manipulation. It’s not your child trying to make your life hard. It’s simply their behaviour following a predictable pattern: “This used to work. Maybe I just need to try harder.”
This increase often occurs shortly after an sleep training plan begins and can feel like everything is getting worse – but it’s usually the sign that things are about to get better, as long as your response remains consistent.
How Extinction Bursts Show Up During Sleep Training
In the context of sleep, an extinction burst might look like this:
- A baby who previously cried for 10 minutes now cries for 45 minutes
- A toddler starts screaming, throwing toys, or climbing out of bed
- A child who was settling well suddenly starts waking multiple times a night again
This often happens when a child’s usual sleep responses (like being rocked, fed, or cuddled to sleep) are suddenly removed, and a new expectation is introduced (like falling asleep in their cot rather than on you).
Even if the child had shown some success early on, a sudden increase in undesirable behaviours – more crying, more resistance – can occur when they realise this new normal isn’t going away.
And yes, it’s incredibly hard to witness as a parent. But understanding the function of this burst can help you hold steady whilst we work on setting some new foundations and expectations.
Primary vs Secondary Extinction Bursts
You may have heard that the “extinction burst” happens on the first few nights of sleep training – and often, it does. That’s known as the primary extinction burst. It’s the first spike in crying or protesting behaviour once the “reinforcement” is removed.
But here’s something many people don’t talk about: a secondary extinction burst can occur later – often between nights 4–7.
This often happens when:
- The first few nights went surprisingly well
- Parents start to relax the rules slightly (responding faster, adding back a feed, staying in the room)
- The child decides to “test” if the old behaviour might still work
Think of it like starting a diet or going to the gym. You smash the first three days, then around day five, you’re craving takeaway and considering giving up. The same thing happens with children – a sort of behavioural relapse based on their previous experience of what worked in the past. One of my old clients was a dog trainer – apparently the same thing happens there too!
It doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means your child is going through a process of adapting and getting used to something new. They’re like “Huh…Mum…What the h*ll are you doing?!” And this is where consistency really counts.
Can Extinction Bursts Happen with Gentle Sleep Training Methods?
Yes – and this is important.
Extinction bursts aren’t exclusive to Cry-It-Out or strict extinction methods. They can occur with any method that removes or reduces a previously reinforced sleep behaviour.
Whether you’re using Ferber (graduated extinction), the chair method, or a responsive routine with fading input, you’re still making a change. And any change – even if small, can trigger a behavioural response (if someone took away my pillow – my life long sleep crutch, I’d be furious too!).
Even with ABA therapy or behaviour-based interventions outside of sleep, extinction bursts are an expected part of the process when working to decrease a behaviour by removing reinforcement.
That’s why positive reinforcement of new, desirable behaviours (like praising calm settling, using visual cues or reward charts) is just as important as ignoring old ones.
And it’s also why your method needs to fit your parenting style. If you’re not comfortable with leaving your child to cry for extended periods then DON’T! You’re way less likely to follow through – which brings us to the next point.
Why Consistency (Not Perfection) Is Key
Behavioural science tells us that inconsistent responding – like ignoring crying one night but going in the next – is the worst for both parent and child. It actually strengthens the behaviour because the child learns: “If I just keep going, it might work again.”
This can prolong extinction bursts, create confusion, and make sleep feel like an ongoing battle.
It’s the same principle that keeps people gambling – the odds of winning are low, but the chance that maybe this time I’ll win is enough to keep them pushing that button. For your child, continuing to cry, or for older children, continuing to get out of bed and into yours, feels a bit like that: “It didn’t work last night… but maybe tonight it will.
That’s why your sleep intervention needs to be one you feel you can stick with – not just for one night, but for several nights – even weeks (depending on the method). Sleep training isn’t about “tough love” for the sake of it. It’s about helping your child learn a new skill in a way that feels safe and consistent for both of you.
Your Child’s Temperament Matters Too
Remember, not all children respond the same way. Some of the more “spirited” kiddies I work with are persistent, vocal, and reactive. Others are more adaptable (I obviously see less of these kiddies – they don’t present such a challenge!). Knowing your child’s temperament can help you prepare for how intense an extinction burst might be – and choose a method that meets them where they are.
This is why working with a sleep coach can be so powerful. You’re not just getting a generic plan – you’re getting a strategy that considers your child’s temperament and behaviour, their emotional needs, and your unique parenting style.
If bedtime has become a nightly showdown of stalling, screaming, or refusals, it might be time to rethink your approach. My Bedtime Battles Course is packed with practical tools to help you turn chaos into calm – without the power struggle.
Struggling With an Extinction Burst? You’re Not Alone
Whether you’re in the thick of night 3 crying, or you’ve hit a secondary burst on night 6 and feel like giving up, know this:
- It’s common
- It doesn’t mean your child is broken
- It doesn’t mean you’re failing
It’s simply a burst of behaviour that tends to occur when reinforcement is removed. With consistency, calm reassurance, and the right support, things can and do get easier and new habits feel normal!
If you’re unsure whether your approach is right, if your child is highly sensitive, or if the crying feels overwhelming – you don’t have to figure it out alone.
Want to Feel More Confident About Sleep Training?
Just a reminder: While sleep training can be incredibly effective when done thoughtfully, it’s always important to make sure you’re following safe sleep practices that are right for your child’s age and stage. For trusted, up-to-date guidance on baby sleep safety, visit the NHS baby sleep advice page.
For more detailed guidance on creating the ideal sleep environment and helping your baby sleep better, grab your copy of Newborn Sleep Foundations: A Handy Guide for the First 16 Weeks. It’s packed with practical tips and expert advice on everything from sleep cues to safe sleep practices.
I offer 1:1 sleep coaching, courses, and tools to help you move forward with a plan that’s tailored to you and your child. Whether you prefer a gradual approach or need help responding consistently, we’ll build a strategy that actually works – for your family.
Learn more about how I can help with sleep support here
